Update on Tor

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whalen replied on Wed, Sep 9 2009 9:37 AM

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Dear Tor,

What an excellent idea!  You are so qualified to do this.  Yes, you have a great deal to share and those afflicted with diabetes will be better for it.  I think too that this will help you focus on something positive.

Best,

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jen1229 replied on Wed, Sep 9 2009 3:38 PM

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Tor:

I agree.  This may be what God intended when all this happened, that something good would come out of it all.

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Tor replied on Sat, Sep 19 2009 11:20 AM

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I have made some progress in trying to deal with some of the problems that arose after my wife committed suicide.

My application for legal aid was turned down as I was not at risk of going to jail and there are no under-age children involved. However, in looking for pro bono help I found a semi-retired lawyer who at no cost will advise me as to what to do each step along the way, review letters or documents before I send them, and brief me about how to behave in a courtroom. That's as much as I could hope for now.

The first thing I'm working on is life insurance. Vida and I had mutual life insurance policies with Manulife  that I'd been paying into for the past 15 years, worth $100,000 each. Five days before she killed herself she changed the beneficiary of her side of the policy to be her daughter from a previous marriage. The daughter, who resides in Bahrain, came up here and has been busily night clubbing and high lifing in from that payout. She also has been allowed to live in the apartment that I was (illegally) evicted from after Vida's suicide, and was one of two persons who three weeks ago broke into my sailboat and stole my stereo and music CD collection. So there's work to do there.

Tor

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whalen replied on Sat, Sep 19 2009 4:03 PM

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Dear Tor,

I admire you for dealing with the stress of all this.  I'm glad you found a lawyer to advise you.  Although legal proceedings seems to take forever, they more often get it right than wrong.  I'm a former legal secretary so I have some knowledge of this.  Best of luck to you.

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Tor replied on Sat, Sep 19 2009 4:37 PM

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Thanks GaleMarie,

Feelings of hopelessness or of being powerless are not helpful - so even if I don't know the outcome I have decided to 'bite back' in any way I can. Whatever happens I'll make a few people squirm and may even get a concession, like having them hand over my passport, citizenship papers and birth certificate along with my daughter's baptism certificate, that were removed from the apartment by my ex-inlaws and never returned to me.

Tor

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whalen replied on Sun, Sep 20 2009 12:33 PM

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Dear Tor,

It is absurd that your personal papers were taken.  Keep on fighting and keep us posted.  

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Tor replied on Sun, Sep 20 2009 1:05 PM

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It might seem absurd but to someone that is mad (as in mentally disturbed) absurdity often becomes the norm. It's a scary place to be, both for the person at the center of the madness and for those that are touched by it. In fact, it can have a very profound affect on family members and friends who are at a loss to understand what is going on. As an example of that, my parents and sisters are still adamant that they will never, ever speak to me again, after they received copies of Vida's suicide letter putting 100 percent of the blame on me for "driving her over the edge".

Here's another bit of absurdity while I'm at it. As part of Vida's plan to do maximum damage to me through her suicide, she wanted to ensure that I could not partake in any funeral arrangements or memorials for her. So on the day she had decided to do her final exit, she told me she was going away on a one week vacation and not to worry if I didn't hear from her until the next Saturday. Then she sent her suicide letters out, including one, to her sister with keys to the apartment and 'special instructions' that included telling the police Vida was divorced so that they would not try to contact me. By sending the letter on a Saturday by 'snail mail' it took five days before her sister got the letter. So by the time she arrived at the apartment and called the police, Vida had been dead five days. An excellent excuse to demand the immediate release of the body. So her plan unfolded and Vida had been cremated and her ashes spread in the ocean before I even knew any details of her death.

Another example I guess of how real life can be more bizarre than any Hollywood script.

Tor

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whalen replied on Sun, Sep 20 2009 5:34 PM

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You're right of course.  I have a friend with bipolar disease and while most of the time she is rational (she is faithful about her medication), there are times she puts us all through it.  Nothing like you have gone through with Vida, however.  I know you will get through this; I'm just sorry that you have not only the burden of someone close to you commiting suicide, but also that of picking up and mending every piece of your life.

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Joe replied on Mon, Sep 21 2009 7:12 AM

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Our prayers are with you Tor!  It is difficult to imagine the pain you must be going through.

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Tor replied on Mon, Sep 21 2009 10:32 AM

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Thanks Joe. As I've discovered the body has a defence mechanism where it shuts down the pain receptors if physical or emotional pain becomes too unbearable, and that's happened to me.

I'm now at the 'bite back' stage as in trying to take back some aspects of my life that were taken away from me. For starters I'm taking the housing corporation to court for evicting me unlawfully, for denying me access so I could protect my personal property, and for allowing my inlaws to move into my apartment and cart off everything I owned.

As well today is my first day of school, I'm starting a part time college course in business management and accounting as part of a project to build a new business for myself.  Vida, in her will,  transferred our old family business with all it's assets, to a friend of hers.

Tor

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Jorgie replied on Mon, Sep 21 2009 11:56 AM

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Tor, I hope you realize how much prayer support you have from your friends here on this board. I pray that you get strenght from them all.

jorgie

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Spirit replied on Mon, Sep 21 2009 2:29 PM

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Tor:  I am not sure about Canadian law, but don't wills have to be probated there?  Here in the US, one of the crirerion for breaking a will is the concept "of sound mind", which is included in the standard wording of last wills and testaments.  If it can be shown that the testator was not of sound mind when the will was drawn up (and you should have lots of evidence there about Vida's state of mind) the provisions of the will can be contested.  Is that possible from your standpoint?

Spirit

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Ron AKA replied on Mon, Sep 21 2009 4:26 PM

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Tor, Spirit has a good suggestion. It appears in BC there is some deviation from the standard British common law. BC law provides for a fair distribution of the estate to the spouse and children, even if the will says otherwise. So it sounds like you have a very good case as you have the fair distribution aspect as well as the sound mind question. This site came up on Google, and I know nothing about them, but they are in Vancouver and specialize in estate litigation. See the "What is Estate Litigation" question at this link. You may be able to get this firm, or another in this line of business to do it on a contingency basis rather than pay as you go. Also, with many lawyers the first consultation visit is on their nickel, so you could find out what your options are at no cost.

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Tor replied on Mon, Sep 21 2009 9:27 PM

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Thanks Jorge, Spirit and Ron.

The lawyer who is assisting me has assured me that according to British Columbia law, I would have no problem contesting and disproving the will seen from a legal point of view. It is blatantly unfair, and was written by someone certifiably not of a sound mind. The problem is that in order to contest it, I'd have to force a probate (which they've not had) and take it to court. Minimum costs are approximately $30,000 in court fees. Normally a lawyer might consider doing that on a contrigency basis. However, given that the inlaws already have stolen and dispersed of most or possibly all of my property, the chance of recovering enough to make it worth a lawyer's while is nill.

The one hope I am exploring is the possibility of suing the housing corporation that we were renting our apartment from. When I found out that a. Vida was dead and b. that I didn't have keys to get in (Vida had taken my fanny pack with the keys and disposed of it before her suicide) the manager very aggressively refused to let me into my apartment, saying I had 'abandoned my wife, apartment and property' and had no right of access. Instead she gave access to my inlaws to proceed to rob me blind. I can't imagine that the housing corporation should be able to get away with what they did, regardless of what lies Vida might have told the manager in order to get her sympathy prior to her killing herself.

Tor

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Ron AKA replied on Mon, Sep 21 2009 11:38 PM

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Would small claims court where you represent yourself be an option?