Search results matching tag 'funnies'

Friday Funnies 5 June 2009

donw — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 12:46:18 GMT

Life is always harder when the vision starts to go.

Friday Funnies 27 March 2009

donw — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 14:46:13 GMT

The wisdom of Larry the cable guy......
1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
14. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
15. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
16. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

20. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
21 Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
22. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering 'What the heck happened?'
23. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
24. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
25. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

(P.S. Larry can’t count either!)

Friday Funnies 20 March 2009

donw — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 12:33:14 GMT

Points to Ponder

1. Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?

2. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

3. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

4. Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

5. Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

6. Why is a boxing ring square?

7. Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

8. Why is it that doctors call what they do practice?

9. Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?

10. Why is it that to stop a Windows Operating System, you have to click on "Start"?

11. Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address,

you turn down the volume on the radio?

12. Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?

13. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

14. Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?

15. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

16. Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

17. Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

18. Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

19. Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

Re: MIA

ces — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 23:18:37 GMT

I think you deserve an excused absence every now and then!

Hope you're feeling better!

Colleen